It was called "Space Invaders." It was an electronic animated pinball game, incredibly sophisticated and totally absorbing! Today we would call it a "video game" where the name hadn't been invented when I first ran into it.
As soon as I put my quarter into the machine, the screen filled with several columns of hostile creatures dropping to earth with the worst of intentions. My job was to save the world by shooting them all with my ground-based defense system while moving left and right to dodge their bombs. If a bomb hit my missile launcher, or if one of them made it to the ground, the weapon disintegrated and had to be replaced by another. When the third launcher evaporated, the game was over -- unless we had enough points to get another launcher. We made points every time we shot one of those invading critters. When we shot all of them, a whole new screen of them would appear. The invaders on the new screen came down faster and were much meaner.
Video games became more sophisticated and more absorbing. Fortunately for me, there was no issue about kicking the habit and walking away from the things. Well, not quite. I had to spend a few more quarters obsessing over another game. My friends and I called this one "Spastic Spider." Its real name was "Centipede," and its title character descended on my ground-based shooter while I had to shoot all its little segments before it touched me. Every so often this eight-legged monster would come down in some random pattern and bounce around to wreak havoc, and it too had to be shot to pieces.
A lot of people were far better at these games than I was, and with their superior eye-hand coordination they always scored better than I did.
But with all these games there was one fact that finally made it into my analytical mind. Every time I played the game, I lost. Every time anybody played the game, the result was to lose.
Did we get 10,000 points?
Did we get 60,000 points?
Did we get a million points?
In all cases, the question was "How many points did I get before I lost?"
I could play once and see my score. I could play again and see a different score, higher or lower. I could play a third time and see a third score. But the final score was accompanied by those horrible words "GAME OVER" to taunt me with the reality that I LOST.
Look at the cycle.
Pay admission, enter the game.
Get beaten.
Leave the game.
Take a breather and think about what you did wrong.
While away from the game, realize you're out of the game and maybe it wasn't so bad after all. Remember what it was that attracted you to that game in the first place.
Come on, reach for that quarter. Get back into that game.
Do we have a parallel in any aspect of our life lessons here?
Pay admission by forsaking all others. Pledge to be together until death do you part.
Get beaten.
Leave the abusive situation.
While you're safely away from the abuser, reflect on the marriage and the relationship. What did you do wrong? What did you do to provoke the violence you were going through?
Look at the life you're living now. Are you really better off than when you were in the abusive environment? Was it really that bad? A few blows, some biting remarks, were they really something you couldn't handle? Wasn't that better than the loneliness you feel now? What was it that attracted you to the relationship in the first place? Didn't you love the person? Doesn't love conquer all? Shouldn't you be willing to give the relationship another chance?
Come on, reach for the car keys. Get back into the relationship.
This is one of the hardest things for me to write. Each question triggers a memory of someone who returned to some unhealthy abusive situation.
With the video game you get defeated and try again. You do better on the next try, drawing on your experience of the past encounters. You don't do as well on the next try, because some new hostile beast appears and trips you up. You lose.
With the abusive relationship it's the same thing, but the stakes are higher. We're filling cemeteries with those who can't break loose from the cycle of abuse.
If you're addicted to video games and you can't break away, there are sources of help. Please look for these sources and use them.
If you're addicted to the cycle of abuse, there are also sources of help. Please look for these sources and use them.* Your life may depend on it.
Grace and Peace,
Charles+
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* It is impractical to list resources, as an individual's needs are personal and unique.
Charles,
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying here. When I was a child, I was taught that love is a powerful conquerer because it can conquer hate and anger. And I was taught that I must respect myself, love myself and who I am before I can respect and show love for others.
I also agree an individual's need is personal and unique. Staying in an abusive relationship is due to addictions. A child who lives in a home where control and abuse is predominant in their lessons of life, they grows to need that control in their adult life. It's their individuality. Most marry or become embroiled in a relationship with a controller and abuser. It isn't until they learn the lesson of love oneself that they're able to walk away and start that game over. With them it's the relearning all they learned as a child, about relationships. They have to see that it's like, is, an addiction.
Love of oneself is the most important lesson of all that we can teach our children. Just as the lesson that if we can't forgive ourself for our sins then we can't really ask God to forgive is important. In order to forgive ourself, we must first realize we love ourself. In time we can even forgive those who sinned against us- we may not forget, for forgiveness is not forgeting, but we can forgive.
Abuse is not love nor is it a conquerer. It's control and a dark power.